Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
