My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
