Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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