i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
