it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
