I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
