party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
