I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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