It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
