when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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