I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
