Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
