I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
