took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize