I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
