I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
