Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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