A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
