if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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