You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
