Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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