I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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