the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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