Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize