your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
