so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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