May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
