best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
