I think im going to throw up on grandma
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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