oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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