What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Bring me that man meat
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
