Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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