he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
