and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
