New low: just hacked my moms facebook
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
