Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
