I'm gonna have a badass scar
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
