I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Everyone says I win the strip club
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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