can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize