Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
