dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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