id be glad to
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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