There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
