also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
