nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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