Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
