I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize