All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
