I heard we made out
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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