I CAN MOONWALK!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
