Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
