You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize