it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
