Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
