Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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