I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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