So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
