arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
