Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
