what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
