Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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