I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
