Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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