piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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