those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
