Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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