I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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